Sometimes, it's the little things

My son, Robo, just called me out of breath and excited. After getting a couple tries at an explanation I could understand, I finally managed to get that he was calling me at work to tell me that he was excited because tonight he had achieved the status of neighborhood driveway basketball champ among his friends on our block.

And my daughter is at the State Speech and Debate championships tonight with her Oral Interpetation of Drama group. I got a text message earlier letting me know that they made finals. So they are at the highest level now competing tonight with a narrowed group of the best few in the state in this category. Very exciting for her.

And they want to share it with their Dad as soon as they can. That's a very cool thing.

Robo also decided to honor his mother last weekend when she brought home a rented copy of the latest Harry Potter movie. He went right in and made her a "cool points" chart. He's taken two special things that she's done for him and assigned a cool points value to them as a reward. For bringing home a Sobe for him she got 10 points, but the movie earned her 30! He told me, with a wry smile, that when she reaches 1000 she will officially be a super cool mom!

In other news, Kitten had a little victory in her English class this week. Earlier this quarter she had suffered a bit of a reality check with a term paper that counted as a very substantial part of her total class grade. She had let her deadline creep up on her a bit and when she was down to the wire printing and turning in her paper, her typed bibliography evaporated off her disk. Consequently, she could only turn it in with a handwritten one to show she did the work, but the previously established parameters had stated that this would be docked. And so it was. She was a bit devastated when she got a grade substantially below what she is capable of. Even the teacher told her the content was very strong and she was only hampered by this technicality.

But this last week she had an assignment where she was supposed to write a sonnet as part of their Shakespeare unit. When she got this paper back, her teacher was so impressed that she gave Kitten a better than perfect score. That was enough to restore a little self confidence.

This is the sonnet she wrote:

INNOCENCE

Her hair was of the golden sunlight rays

Her eyes the silver pale of the moon's sweet beams

She'd dance in the quiet flower fields by day

By night would sleep beside the quiet streams

The sky and earth protected maiden pure

And kept her from the lusting eyes of men

No pain or fear or hurt should she endure

As played she with the Elves and Fairy kin

But pain and fear come quickly in the night

Hiding in the forest shadows deep

With evil thoughts and weapons clean in sight

They came to where maiden lie sound in sleep

The blade and river water now stained red

Where purest maiden ever lay her head

Kind of intense little submission from my little Pollyanna, who tries so desperately to cheer her friends whenever they are having a down day. But this comes from that little paradoxical Russian novelist side of her personality. Keeps things interesting, I must say.

When she had me read it she was taken off guard at the discomfort I felt at such a harsh tragic tale. I assured her that the craft was well executed, but it is a disquieting account. Later my wife came to me and told me that Kitten had quietly gone down to her room a bit sad. I went down and found her in her in the dark curled up under her blankets, still in her school clothes. She had gotten a bit teary. Aparently she had the thought that she may have freaked her dad out and was concerned that there was maybe now a part of her that I found unpleasant.

We had a good talk about how that was not even possible. She felt better after that. It's funny. She likes our talks because they make her feel better. The thing she maybe doesn't know so well, is that our little talks have the reverse effect too, of making me feel like a better dad.

You gotta love the little things.

Meme

tagged

I'm a little late to the party. Wonderful Deb tagged me on last Thurs. and I was MIA in my blog reading. I'm so embarrassed. How time flies. And it's been a while since I've done a meme. So here it is:

Four jobs I've had:

• Selling computers at an electronics store
• Managed a Blockbuster video just off UNL campus
• Taught Speech/Theater at a community college
• My most unique job: Working for a company based in L.A. counting people going to movies in Lincoln NE that would be tabbed into those moved attendance stats that you see every Monday morning. Bet you wondered where those numbers came from, eh? Hand counting, believe it or not (at least at that time). The hard numbers from the actual box office came later in the week after the theaters settled accounts apparently.

Four movies I can watch over and over:

• Searching for Bobby Fischer
• Hudsucker Proxy/Raising Arizona (both counted as one because they are both by the Cohen Bros)
• Matrix
• Jaws/Close Encounters /A.I. /Minority Report (Steven is one of my absolute faves. Is anyone else totally psyched about Indy 4?!!)

Four places I've lived:

• My Parents House
• Lincoln, NE (college town)
• Va Beach, VA (also for college)
• Brisbane, Australia

Four TV shows I love(d):

• Northern Exposure
• Red Dwarf
• Family Ties
• Lost

Four places I've vacationed:

• Orlando, FL (the Mouse House)
• Madison, WI (for House on the Rock---you have got to check this place out if you've never heard of it)
• Sydney, Australia
• New York, NY

Four of my favorite dishes:

• Steak
• Seafood Alfredo at a little local place called "Andy's on 1st"
• Pappa Murphy's gourmet veggie pizza
• Ruben sandwiches

Four sites I visit daily:

• My blogger friends (at least I try daily---it's a goal but there are so many)
• Mac.com (for email)
• MacDailyNews.com
• Writely.com (for jotting down notes and generally writing)

(I also hit Flickr.com and myspace.com a fair bit----and now Zaadz.com!)

Four places I'd rather be right now:

(not links but blogger decided they should be underlined and won't let me remove the underline---grrrr)

• With my Family
• In a cozy coffee house with my wife
• Editing video
• Visiting Australia or Disney again

Four bloggers I'm tagging:

• Kate at DatingGod (Visit her---she needs hugs. Do you do these things, Kate? I don't think you've been tagged for this one)

(and three of my IRL [in real life] peeps that have blogs I've failed to mention on the day to day. Check them out. They be pretty cool!)

• KatieScarlet from Life as I know it
• C. from Murphy's Loft
• ESV from March of the MOPO

Copy these question and answer them on your blogs, guys. Leave notice in the comments when you've completed yours.

Have fun!

Over here, over there

A while back when I expressed in a post a fleeting comment about the unexpected direction of my spiritual journey, Marilyn sweetly commented that when I was ready to share, she was ready to listen. I haven't forgotten that.

I was waiting. For the right time. For the right place. I didn't feel it was here. Just because people might not want a lesson of the metaphysical according to Will if they were just checking in on me, the wife and the kids.

Then today, the right place was revealed to me through a post from the wonderful Kate. A new community site with blogging capabilities dedicated to providing a place where people can just chill as the hash out life, the universe and everything.

So I'll just mention here, just this once, that I'm putting my spiritual thoughts over there. Feel welcome to check it out. But of course, no obligation.

I'll still post here the regular stuff, never fear. Nothing changes with this little nitche.

It's here, if you feel so inclined.

Freaky Things

My daughter had some down time with her friends during a Speech tournament this weekend, so they taught her how to do herself up in goth make-up. Some of her friends thought it was cool. Some thought it wasn't. Typically they boys thought it wasn't. That part sounded good to me.

But her mom thought it wasn't cool either. And her uncle. Her dad and her brothers liked it, though. But even Kitten was not impressed when I suggested that she go gothic to prom. Oh well. That sounded totally kickin' to me. A little Corpse Bride action thrown into the fru-fru. But alas, no.

She been asked before "why do you want to look like that"? I think it might be genetic. Witness her parents in high school dressing up for Punk Day. That's her father in the middle, and her mother on the right. The girl on the left is "the blond one" for those who have read my "100 Things About Me" post. That girl and the boy behind her are the aunt and uncle of Robo's best friend. Ah, life in a little town.



But even after I'd found that photo from my past, it kept bugging me where I'd seen my daughter's make-up design before. Then a thought and a couple minutes on the Internet gave me the answer:

Speaking of Robo and genetics, we had a bit of a puzzle on our hands last week when our number one son announced as he was going out the door in the morning that he'd finally reached one of his goals at school. What goal is that, we asked. The goal of having people fighting to have him on their team to play sports at recess.

Our quandary was this: how is it biologically possible for two "last one's picked" give birth to a "first one picked"? We decided was that "first one picked" must be a recessive gene, and it just showed up with his red hair.

On the photography front, here's what has me baffled completely. Typically the photos we post to Flickr get viewed between 10 and 20 times. Some of the ones we may reference on another site may spike up to 70 or so, over time. I mentioned in an earlier post that one of little bear on the potty had curiously gotten almost 100 views in less than a week after it was uploaded. Well, now it has been viewed over TWO AND A HALF THOUSAND TIMES! 2702 at the time of this writing to be exact. I have absolutely no idea what is driving that traffic. It's not even linked as anyone's favorite. The rest of the photos are still at under 50 for the most part. Does anyone have any idea where all these viewers are coming from?

Freaky.

Update: Since I wrote this post the picture of little Bear on the potty has gotten another thousand views. I took it off line. I was just starting to get a bit freaked out. And after Shelly's gentle caution in the comment section, I couldn't let it go on. I don't take too much for granted on the web, and it still has me baffled how anyone even ran across this photo. I hope this is all just something innocent, but it kills me to think that some weirdo has linked to it. I was a little taken off guard too when I took a closer look at the picture and realized it wasn't as discreet as I had originally thought it was.

The River Flows

Our neighbor passed away yesterday.

Some will say that she had a good run.

She celebrated her 100 birthday last year. She still attended class reunions up to that point back in the small Midwest town she grew up in. She was up to her 60th some odd class reunion, and was the only one in her class. She would celebrate the weekend event with groups from much younger classes that all got together at the same time. She would tell us about the time she had when she got back. It was a point of pride for her.

Some will say that it was a mercy.

She had lived past her 100th birthday in her own home, only going to assisted living this last year after she had a couple of bad falls. Our house shares a driveway with hers, and our north side windows face her south side windows. My wife would look over each morning to check for lights on and look to see if she had made it out to her usual place in her living room chair.

But even watching as much as we did there was a day when Gladys had been going back into her house after taking out her garbage (something she insisted on doing), and found herself suddenly unable to stand when she was at her front door. She crumpled to the floor there on her enclosed porch, and not having the strength to stand again, she sat there for hours before we discovered her.

She was loosing her sight, too. And her hearing. Her family had gotten her a bigger T.V. set last year so the picture was bigger and the volume could be turned up much louder. She took numerous pills everyday.

Some people will that she's in a better place now, or that it was her time.

But no matter the truth of anything people will say, nothing can really prepare you for the loss of a loved one, or a friend. And it's hard to console or be consoled at times like this. The awkwardness of this impossible dance seems to amplify the feelings that loss brings, of being aimlessly adrift in familiar surroundings.

When we moved into our first house in as a family in 1998, we were renting it at the time, it was so good to find that we had a neighbor like her. She seemed quite frail even then, but she was kind and pleasant to talk to. My wife had many good conversations with her over tea or lunch and we found out a lot about the history of our neighborhood and our house. She had lived there most of her life after marriage, many years.

We would help her with her grass, raking her leaves, cleaning gutters, moving snow and changing light bulbs. We always insisted that she ask us anytime she needed anything. We were more than happy to help. I was glad when she watched the new T.V. because it meant that while she was watching it the volume would drown out the lawn mower and I could do the work and get away without her insisting on paying me.

She would always say how much she appreciated our help, that she didn't know what she would do without us there. She was concerned that she wouldn't be able to live in her house anymore if we weren't there. It was our privilege to help her as much as she needed, as much as we could.

My wife would take her on errands to get medicine from the pharmacy, or to the bank. Gladys would often buy lunch so the two of them could sit and talk for a bit. Gladys was reluctant to come over and sit at our house or share meals with us despite our frequent invitations. I think that the chaos generated in a house with 4 kids, 3 of them boys, made her nervous. In the summer it was better. She would come over and sit on the porch while the chaos swirled on the lawn, a safe distance away.

When I arrived at work yesterday I flipped the calendar and eerily the quote under the picture was "Time does not pass, we do. ---Lorado Taft". That's seem to resonate so much truer at that moment that it would have otherwise. The prevailing attitude toward time is that we mark it simply a unit of measurement like a yard or a pound. The unspoken truth is that it gains it's greater importance than those because it marks our place in the journey. And the place of those around us.

At times like these I experience a quiet shudder inside. I hear the tromping of the boots of future days that I don't want to face or even think about coming nearer. I don't fear my own passing half as much as I do the inevitable passing of those around me I love. People whom provide a foundation and a mooring, so that no matter what else is going on in life I have a sense of stability and the strength to weather the storm. The sting of difficulty is lessened because they are there, and good times are sweeter because I can share it with them. It scares me to realize that these people, the most important things in my life, will someday evaporate in an instant.

The thought of losing my parents, my brother, my wife. Even now it seems almost more than I believe I could bear. I've watched my parents lose their parents, and my wife lose her father. This type of loss leaves a hole that doesn't fill. Like a surfer with a shark bite, they get back on the wave and ride. But underneath the wetsuit is an empty half moon, the skin grown over but you can still trace the outline of teeth.

That's when I stick my fingers in my ears and close my eyes tight and hum the happiest tune I know to try to drown out the sound of the impending and force it back off my radar.

The saddest and most painful irony to me is the thought of the grievous hurt for which I will someday be responsible. That my passion and devotion to my children silently and secretly is authoring what will someday be their greatest sadness. I don't want to have anything to do with creating pain like that in their lives, but I am powerless to prevent it.

But time does pass. Robo crossed over from cub scouts into boy scouts last weekend in a special ceremony. Lemur is home with the chicken pox. Kitten proudly carries her learner's permit. At each event we note the milestone, with an unspoken realization that it also marks a moment gone.

And so the river flows.