Is it just Us?
In my last post with the video I mentioned that my daughter got a ticket to the TranSiberian Orchestra concert from a friend of hers for her Birthday. You may have also noticed that on several previous occasions I have referred to the current young man with an eye for my daughter as the New Boy. What I haven't mentioned is that there is an Old Boy (even though that was probably obvious). And it isn't the bad boy . It's a different boy, but the Old Boy is the one who gave her the tickets to the concert and then took her----with the New Boy no where in sight.
What makes all this interesting, and perhaps a little unusual, is that the Old Boy has carried a torch for my daughter since they were in 6th grade together, roughly 4 years ago. However, since the bad dad has the no dating rule, Old Boy had to look elsewhere for his romantic pursuits. But he could never really shake his feelings for my daughter.
They have remained good friends all these years, through a number of Old Boy's girlfriends. Kitten has seen the wisdom of the no dating rule during this friendship. Old Boy has trouble staying satisfied in relationships and is struggling to learn that just because you have a significant other, it doesn't mean you stop being attracted to other others, and if any of those other others should return your interest, it's not a good idea to give up what you've got to go after something you might think you want more. Kitten realizes that my rule has saved her from being one on the list, and the hurt that would go with it.
I've discussed with her that this is the very type of thing that made me decided to institute this rule. If I had just told her this type of thing was out there, she would have nodded but probably still not been able to see it when it came her way. Until it was too late. People, so many times, have to experience things to build them into their wisdom. The bad dad just tries to act as a buffer between that first hand experience and it's cutting edge.
But the Old Boy still there wanting to be involved in her life. And he's a decent enough guy when you're outside of his figuring out how romantic relationships work. So they hang out together, they write stories together, they email and myspace each other, and he buys her gifts (such as concert tickets).
And she goes to the concert, even though now there is a New Boy in the picture. New Boy was ok with it, I guess, because Old Boy took his girlfriend as well, who also went to the concert. Which was cool with Kitten, because she just likes Old Boy as a friend and is friends with the girlfriend too. In fact, because of the hour they returned and how far out of town the girlfriend lived, she ended up spending the night at our house after the concert!
Kitten also has been and continues to be friends with a fair assortment of Old Boy's girlfriends (many now ex). And even though I have the feeling that if Kitten ever came to a point where she said "I can date now, are you interested?" Old Boy would drop everything, including any romantic entanglements, and come running----that even though it seems pretty obvious that this is brewing right under the surface, there has never been any animosity between Kitten and these other girls.
This just seems amazingly easy going to me. So absent from the expected catty-ness and insecure jealousy one would expect.
Of course, her parents are no different. The people who drove hours from Iowa to be at her birthday party and gave her wonderful gifts and took the photos of the party is a family which the dad is the guy who was involved in a long distance relationship with my wife when I first met her back in the 80s. And we're still good friends with him and his family. And the blond that I had dated in high school (who was a good friend at the time of my someday to be wife as I mentioned in my 100 things ) is also still a good family friend and Robo is running around with her nephew.
Is this normal? It just seems so odd to me---but in a good way.
What makes all this interesting, and perhaps a little unusual, is that the Old Boy has carried a torch for my daughter since they were in 6th grade together, roughly 4 years ago. However, since the bad dad has the no dating rule, Old Boy had to look elsewhere for his romantic pursuits. But he could never really shake his feelings for my daughter.
They have remained good friends all these years, through a number of Old Boy's girlfriends. Kitten has seen the wisdom of the no dating rule during this friendship. Old Boy has trouble staying satisfied in relationships and is struggling to learn that just because you have a significant other, it doesn't mean you stop being attracted to other others, and if any of those other others should return your interest, it's not a good idea to give up what you've got to go after something you might think you want more. Kitten realizes that my rule has saved her from being one on the list, and the hurt that would go with it.
I've discussed with her that this is the very type of thing that made me decided to institute this rule. If I had just told her this type of thing was out there, she would have nodded but probably still not been able to see it when it came her way. Until it was too late. People, so many times, have to experience things to build them into their wisdom. The bad dad just tries to act as a buffer between that first hand experience and it's cutting edge.
But the Old Boy still there wanting to be involved in her life. And he's a decent enough guy when you're outside of his figuring out how romantic relationships work. So they hang out together, they write stories together, they email and myspace each other, and he buys her gifts (such as concert tickets).
And she goes to the concert, even though now there is a New Boy in the picture. New Boy was ok with it, I guess, because Old Boy took his girlfriend as well, who also went to the concert. Which was cool with Kitten, because she just likes Old Boy as a friend and is friends with the girlfriend too. In fact, because of the hour they returned and how far out of town the girlfriend lived, she ended up spending the night at our house after the concert!
Kitten also has been and continues to be friends with a fair assortment of Old Boy's girlfriends (many now ex). And even though I have the feeling that if Kitten ever came to a point where she said "I can date now, are you interested?" Old Boy would drop everything, including any romantic entanglements, and come running----that even though it seems pretty obvious that this is brewing right under the surface, there has never been any animosity between Kitten and these other girls.
This just seems amazingly easy going to me. So absent from the expected catty-ness and insecure jealousy one would expect.
Of course, her parents are no different. The people who drove hours from Iowa to be at her birthday party and gave her wonderful gifts and took the photos of the party is a family which the dad is the guy who was involved in a long distance relationship with my wife when I first met her back in the 80s. And we're still good friends with him and his family. And the blond that I had dated in high school (who was a good friend at the time of my someday to be wife as I mentioned in my 100 things ) is also still a good family friend and Robo is running around with her nephew.
Is this normal? It just seems so odd to me---but in a good way.
posted by Will at 8:42 PM
2 Comments:
. . . i think the rest of the world aspires to your version of relationship 'normal' . . . if we could all take on a little of that energy there'd be much less war and a lot more giggling :)
In a perfect world, I think this is the HEALTHY way.
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