M.I.A.
My IRL friend over at Murphy's Loft told me once when she saw me at a Community Player's meeting that she could always tell when my life got busy because my blog would go inactive.
Guilty as charged.
I'm kind of on autopilot at the moment. Habit and routine are a lifesaver in times like this. I just walk through the same steps that I have day after day without much thinking about it. My thoughts are consumed by other things. I still have that feeling hanging on my shoulders of all that I'm neglecting, coupled with the even more pressing feeling that I'm forgetting something that is going to come back and get me when it's too late. But I can't seem to clear my head long enough to burn off the fog.
A little over a week ago now my daughter came to me and informed me that a friend of hers from school was suddenly homeless. Not this girls family, but just this girl. Through a series of events I don't feel at liberty to record here, she was no longer welcome at her home and didn't know where to turn. She didn't even have a place she could go to sleep that night. Except to us.
This young lady had been in and out of our lives since she and my daughter were both very young. She lived up the street. They were in the same grade at school. She was part of our morning carpool for several years. She and my daughter were part of the same young helpers group at the public library in the summer and she's been coming to our church youth group on Wednesday nights. So, of course we brought her in.
But now the question was, and is, where is she going to live?
We got a call from a counselor that she is seeing through government assistance. The counselor, and this young lady, were hoping that we might be open to the idea of becoming her guardian. Or foster parents. Or something we haven't quite seemed to put a name to, that would essentially amount to "her living with us as a part of our family but not completely" sort of arrangement. It's intimidating to say the least.
I cannot think of anything we encountered where we've had to dig deeper to search ourselves in our lives as a family. As you know, with four kids, we can kind of feel like we're running a three ring circus most of the time. It can feel overwhelming almost constantly. And now life has put us in the path of taking on a new member, and having to work with her to fit her into our rhythms and our lifestyle, and dealing with any of her special needs that we haven't even discovered yet. How could we possible thing that we have the ability to do this? But how could we not do it?
We've had individual meetings with all the kids, and as our guest has been with us the past week we have continued to pull them aside to see how their doing with having this longer term house guest. They're watching us without ever realizing it, to see if we practice what we preach. But the are also depending on us to protect them and keep our home a santuary. Would bringing one more member into our house upset the lifeboat and drown us all?
The wife and I have talked late into the night, and early in the morning, and every spare moment. It consumes our thoughts and challenges to examine the metal of which we believe we are made. It is asking us to be more than we think we are. It is challenging the very foundational principles that we have professed to believe is good and right and proper and scorns us to even think of walking by on the other side of the road. It is asking us to lean back a little more completely into a power beyond our own that is in control and has assured us will carry us through the hard times that may come our way. How could we even contemplate not doing this? But how on earth are we going to be able to?
This question has robbed us of sleep, and infiltrated our dream images. And we've seen more than a couple of tears slip between our existential turmoil and the cavernous hole which was recently our emotional reserve.
We still haven't come to a final decision. It's something we're still wrestling with and it's something that still testing us. When ideals slam into practicality it makes a thunderous noise. A nerve shattering ka-boom. We're examining the fall out and doing damage assessment now. We'll keep you posted.
And of all the things I have to think about, I also just realized that I'll need to come up with a nickname to use for her here on the blog.
Queue the Louis Armstrong music. ("I see trees of green. . .")
Guilty as charged.
I'm kind of on autopilot at the moment. Habit and routine are a lifesaver in times like this. I just walk through the same steps that I have day after day without much thinking about it. My thoughts are consumed by other things. I still have that feeling hanging on my shoulders of all that I'm neglecting, coupled with the even more pressing feeling that I'm forgetting something that is going to come back and get me when it's too late. But I can't seem to clear my head long enough to burn off the fog.
A little over a week ago now my daughter came to me and informed me that a friend of hers from school was suddenly homeless. Not this girls family, but just this girl. Through a series of events I don't feel at liberty to record here, she was no longer welcome at her home and didn't know where to turn. She didn't even have a place she could go to sleep that night. Except to us.
This young lady had been in and out of our lives since she and my daughter were both very young. She lived up the street. They were in the same grade at school. She was part of our morning carpool for several years. She and my daughter were part of the same young helpers group at the public library in the summer and she's been coming to our church youth group on Wednesday nights. So, of course we brought her in.
But now the question was, and is, where is she going to live?
We got a call from a counselor that she is seeing through government assistance. The counselor, and this young lady, were hoping that we might be open to the idea of becoming her guardian. Or foster parents. Or something we haven't quite seemed to put a name to, that would essentially amount to "her living with us as a part of our family but not completely" sort of arrangement. It's intimidating to say the least.
I cannot think of anything we encountered where we've had to dig deeper to search ourselves in our lives as a family. As you know, with four kids, we can kind of feel like we're running a three ring circus most of the time. It can feel overwhelming almost constantly. And now life has put us in the path of taking on a new member, and having to work with her to fit her into our rhythms and our lifestyle, and dealing with any of her special needs that we haven't even discovered yet. How could we possible thing that we have the ability to do this? But how could we not do it?
We've had individual meetings with all the kids, and as our guest has been with us the past week we have continued to pull them aside to see how their doing with having this longer term house guest. They're watching us without ever realizing it, to see if we practice what we preach. But the are also depending on us to protect them and keep our home a santuary. Would bringing one more member into our house upset the lifeboat and drown us all?
The wife and I have talked late into the night, and early in the morning, and every spare moment. It consumes our thoughts and challenges to examine the metal of which we believe we are made. It is asking us to be more than we think we are. It is challenging the very foundational principles that we have professed to believe is good and right and proper and scorns us to even think of walking by on the other side of the road. It is asking us to lean back a little more completely into a power beyond our own that is in control and has assured us will carry us through the hard times that may come our way. How could we even contemplate not doing this? But how on earth are we going to be able to?
This question has robbed us of sleep, and infiltrated our dream images. And we've seen more than a couple of tears slip between our existential turmoil and the cavernous hole which was recently our emotional reserve.
We still haven't come to a final decision. It's something we're still wrestling with and it's something that still testing us. When ideals slam into practicality it makes a thunderous noise. A nerve shattering ka-boom. We're examining the fall out and doing damage assessment now. We'll keep you posted.
And of all the things I have to think about, I also just realized that I'll need to come up with a nickname to use for her here on the blog.
Queue the Louis Armstrong music. ("I see trees of green. . .")
posted by Will at 8:29 AM
5 Comments:
You're wonderful for even considering this option and this young girl is blessed to have your open hearts and arms to turn to in this time of need.
Jeezlouise, no wonder you've been M.I.A. But boy, once you resurface, you do it with a bang. You're a darn fine writer...you do know that, right? This post is filled with such deep honesty and poignancy and beautiful descriptions of scary emotions. Wishing you and your family good thoughts as you grapple with what is surely not an easy decision.
whew boy ... this one's a doozie. What a difficult decision life's put in front of you (... she says, stating the obvious, because she doesn't know what else to say, except that a teeny part of her hopes multiple options are being explored so you have some breathing space).
Reading your post (... we can't really do this, but how can we not? etc.), made me realize this is why my sister has 10 dogs, give or take, and would have more if space allowed.
Wishing you and your wife the deepest clarity as you make this decision.
Glad to see you back with pen in hand...er...hand on keyboard. No matter what the outcome,it sounds like this girl is very lucky to be with your family at this moment in time.
Sending lots of love and good vibes your way my friend. If anyone can find their way down such a complex road, it is you scarecrow. ;) xoxo
Post a Comment
<< Home