The Revolution will be Podcast!

I was poking over at Marilyn's blog, and she mentioned that she just couldn't understand how people got so hung up on the whole iPod thing. I know that there are more people than just her that are trying to figure out this phenom, so I thought I might try to take a stab at explaining it.

So, here's what I feel is at the heart of the iPod revolution. I knew it before I owned one from using iTunes, and it all came true when I finally got one.

For me it's mainly about 2 different things (for people who get past the cool fashion "in" thing of owning one).

1. It may be different where you are (because I know in NYC when I visited there was a huge variety of radio staitions with every possible style of music imaginable) but in most locations the iPod is an escape from the radio landscape that has become so simillar. There's no variety. The same songs play over and over again and every station seems to be playing the same songs.

Now, on the iPod, you can put all your CDs (and for me that's about 250)--and all the songs you can download as singles from the iTunes music store (so you can collect all the great tunes you wouldn't buy an entire album to get). Not to mention all these indie free legal downloads from sites like Garageband.com and 15MegsofFame.com---they've got some really good unsigned stuff that they're giving away.

With all that I've got like 23 days of continous music that I could listen to on a white iPod without ever hearing the same song twice.

Put that together with the shuffle function and you bring your music collection back to life!

Because you get songs randomly put up against each other in ways you'd never thought to do your self and the experience feels completely new, even for music that you've had for years.
This combination is so potent that there are even some broadcast stations in California that are experimenting with letting people come in and simply plugging their iPod into the board and let it shuffle through someones music collection over the airwaves (and some clubs are doing this too---letting guest get 15 minutes of time to DJ using thier iPod).

Right now my iPod just went from Jackson5 "ABC" to Daft Punk "Better,Faster,Stronger". Crazy--and so cool.

2. As of this last Tuesday you can no longer assume that people are listening to just music. This Tuesday Apple released iTunes 4.9 with support for PODCASTing!

They have 3000 Podcasts available for free that have weekly or daily shows---and another 5000 on deck to be added, they're telling us. These are like radio shows that are downloaded instead of broadcast.

They range from the professional to the amature, and there is a huge range of topics that each show could be about. Some are just audio versions of blogs where people talk about their life, others are topic specific like movies or tech or politics or whatever, and others are shows already on the radio but now you can listen any time you like (such as I download NPRs "On the Media"). And there are underground music shows too, it's not all just spoken.

And new as of Tuesday is stuff developed by the pros just for download only--like from Disney and ABC, who is doing a news bite show, not to mention ESPN and the BBC.

I've got like 40 shows that I follow so on any given day I've got from 4 to 8 hours of content I can partake in. And it's a whole variety of stuff----news, talk, fiction, quiz shows, tech (lots of tech, of course), comedy.

The internet just got a whole lot cooler, and with the iPod (or other MP3 player) now you can take it with you.

I encourage everyone to download 4.9 and give it a whirl. In 5 years the broadcast radio will be saying "what happened" like the newspapers are right now with the falling readership (because everyone is getting news on websites) and broadcast T.V. was after cable rolled into town.

C'mon---all the cool kids are doing it. ;-)

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Hard Lesson

The Bear is amazing. He can catch flying bugs with ease. Moths--that's just a warm up. Flies are his specialty.

Kitten's friends are constantly amazed. If we aren't paying much attention when he performs his special feat, her friends will see it and look up in amazement, "Did you see what he just did! He caught a fly!" Yeah, we know.

Bear will sometimes come into a room where we are, if we weren't there to see it happen and hold his clenched fist out looking at us--waiting for everyone's attention---and then release the bug right in front of us letting it fly away like some proclamation that he's still got what it takes, if anyone was wondering, a satisfied smile across his face.

Today, however, he tested his special ability a little further on some of natures other creatures. His lightening reflexes didn't fail him.

But he caught a bee.

I'm not sure that we'll be seeing any bug catching exploits any time soon.

"When the apple falls" from the perspective of the tree

You may have seen my daughter's comment on my blog article on George Lucas and the Star Wars movies a couple of posts ago. I've thought it's kind of interesting the dynamic that has come about since my daughter reads my blog. It's very interesting that even though we see each other day and many times have time to have conversations, we are still able to discover new sides of each other through our blogs that we wouldn't otherwise thing to bring up in our everyday lives.

Writing is such a reflective medium, and because it's initially solitary it doesn't get derailed like topics in conversation often can---especially when there are constant "Get down from there. . .don't do that. . .put that down. . .say you're sorry now" type interruptions going on all around any discussion like in our household. With this unique environment such interesting little gems can come out. I'm always quite excited that it's exists.

Here's a new step in my relationship with my daughter---she sent me a link. Actually, it was in one of her comments on the blog here, but I receive my comments as emails so it ended up in my inbox. She wrote:

"Sorry to break your heart, but you might want to check out this website. It's an interview with Lucas. " And then she included the link in her email. She shared a link with her daddy!

I exchange links with my adult friends and co-workers all the time. It's become a cool shorthand for email and IMs. I don't have to recap a whole article before it can be discussed---I just send a link and then make my comments. It's a convention of the internet and it's digerati.

And now my baby girl is doing it. She's getting so grown up (*sniff*).

Here's what I responded (because I can't let the conversation about the whole Star Wars thing just end like that!):

"Hey little girl,

Thanks for commenting on my blog. You're such a cutie.

Here's the thing on ol'George----he also said he'd never make another Star Wars movie after Jedi. For more than 20 years he said that. Then he caved and made the prequal trilogy.

I think he really wants it to be dead. The story goes that originally he wrote a Star Wars script that was so massive that it would have never gotten produced in it's entirety. So he found a real viable story nugget in the middle which he pulled out and developed that became the original Star Wars. He did it as a little indie thing on his way to making bigger and better films---but then it took on a life of it's own.

I really believe he may not want to do another one (or three)--but I'm also fairly confident that they are more movies that could be done.

I could see a lot of scenarios. He said HE'S not going to make any more---which may very well be the case. But he hasn't said that no one else will make one---and there are a lot of directors that I'm sure would be brilliant on this thing (like Stephen, ahem). The rivers of money are still flowing on this franchise so never rule anything out as long as that's happening----especially in what the studios consider to be an ongoing box office drouth.

One thing I could see is this new live action T.V. series sparking off a new story line in the Star Wars Universe---and a movie coming from that a la Star Trek. We'll have to wait and see.

Another thing I've learned (listening to Steve Jobs and others in charge of decisions in corporate America) is that they will deny things and give you reasons why they won't, right up until they do.

The Berlin Wall fell, Nelson Mandela because president of South Africa, Apple is going to Intel. It's a brave new world---I don't rule anything out.

You know what. This is pretty good stuff. I just might post it.

Love you,

Dad"

Remember, sharing Shakespeare's first name is only a coincidence

Ok, as promised. Here it is.

Just remember a couple of things before clicking over to read my latest dramatic effort:

1. It's very long. In Word it's 36 pages but as a blog post it seems never ending. It'll play about 40 minutes on stage, if you're wondering.

2. It's a satire on a different dramatic form, so when things seem to shift gears strangely, when things seem oddly coincidental or the resolution is forced and wrapped up too neatly----um, yeah, that's intentional. And hopefully funny. At least a little. They were laughing in rehearsal anyway. We're performing the first draft here, give me a break.

So, there it is. Consume. Enjoy. Whatever.

Pool Party!

Well, we turned the Lemur boy 7 this weekend. He decided that he wanted a pool party so we picked a new kids pool at the all powerful Wal-Mart and invited some friends. Kitten had worked down on my basement computer and printer to print up some invites. I discovered the trial prints still in there where she was working out how to center the text just right on the decorative paper.

We let Lemur decided on what was going to happen at the party and he thought one of the games should be Super Soaker tag. So we armed one of the kids with a Super Soaker squirt gun and there was much chasing and running and screaming. It was a fun 5 minutes and then the only one enjoying the game was the person who was doing the squirting. That's when the squirt gun was turned on the adults over watching. Game over.

Then we gathered everyone over from some cake and chips. Lemur said we had to have chips, so his favorites were there; Bar-B-Q and Sour Cream and Onion. We also filled his order for RootBeer and Cola Ice Slushies. Then we topped that off with a home-made cake that he wanted to look like a pool. As you can see, we got as close as we could.

Then it was time to blow out the candles. In the end he had to fake the blowing out of his candles. You can see him in the picture "blowing-out" unlit candles. That's because there was a bit of a breeze and we couldn't hardly get the candles lit. Then when we did, Bear would get excited and blow them out for Lemur. So in the end, we sang while he faked. Lemur seemed to still enjoy it.



Then everyone went back to swimming. Bear figured out that if he leaned on the edge of the pool he could make his own little puddle to play in. I think he had more fun in that puddle than he did in the pool. He splashed in it, and sat in it, and lay on his tummy in it. At one point he even started to try and drink from it till all the adults stood up screaming to stop.



All the other kids started to playing around the yard (we had three tiers of kids there; Lemur's age, Robos friends, and Bear), leaving the pool to Bear all by himself which he also enjoyed very much. He ended up shutting down the party too. You can read about that here on Kitten's blog. That boy sure knows how to clear a room.

In the end fun was had by all. Cool presents and good times. It was a beautiful day to run around and splash in the sun till you collapse. Which they did just after. Everyone in the living room in a grumpy huff of after party disappointment (because all the fun stuff is over and the friends have gone). I put in a present DVD, "Chicken Run", and the gang vegged for the rest of the afternoon.

Next day was Father's Day ---Happy Father's Day all you dads out there! We did manly things like go over and have T-Bone steaks at Grandpa's house cooked on the grill. Then that evening while the girls were at rehearsal we did some more living room man bonding. We put in the Star Wars special edition DVD and turned up the sound system till the windows rattled when the space ships zoomed across the screen.

****Geek Moment****

Sad thing was that I was hoping to recapture some of the original thrill after George did his best to kill it with this prequal trilogy that he's just finished. But no--he did his job so well, I can't even watch the original Star Wars now without thinking of the whinny boy Anikin in the suit. It totally undermines how scary and intimidating Darth Vader used to be.

Crap!

There's a rumor going around that George may produce the three movies in what was originally conceived as a trilogy of trilogies---but this time there is the talk that Steven Spielberg would be directing. They better do it. Steven could do it right. That could redeem things I think.

Please oh please let it be true. Give me back my childhood!

****Geek Moment Over*****

Back in Theater

Ok, I've been referring to it a lot with out much detail. Here's some info on the show we're doing right now.

You may know that my wife and I majored in Theater in college. Haven't been able to turn it into a real career though. Having a family means mouths to feed, not to mention that putting up a production takes up some pretty serious time---and that translates into time away from the kids that we already don't have to spare. Especially for me. So I've opted out for some time now.

But now, I'm sort of back into the game.

It all started when my wife was asked if she could help out with a community theater project that was running at the time by some people who go to church with us. They needed someone to run the lights for them because their tech bailed on them. She thought that was ok and might be fun, so off she went.

As that show was finishing up, she was asked if she might like to get more involved in the summer production coming up next. Perhaps directing. The show was to be a short (30 to 4o min) Melodrama that would run in the afternoon as one of many performances done in a variety show tent in the middle of our town's big summer festival.

Now a Melodrama is classically one of those campy shows with a villain that twirls his mustache and gets popcorn thrown at him, and a Dudley Doright hero who saves the damsel in distress. Both my wife and I are not to fond of doing those kind of shows in the classic sense. Maybe that makes us kind of snobbish, but it's just too painful to put all that time in to a script that we don't have any fun doing. So there was hesitation at this offer.

Then we lay in bed that night and talked. She laid out all the reasons it would be difficult to do that show. Trouble finding a script. Typically there are mostly women actors available and most scripts were heavy on the male roles. Time limits. Space limits. Limitations on how much of a set we could load onto the stage in the time we allotted.

That was my downfall. I had wanted to not do anymore theater for awhile because it caused me to be away from my family for so much time. And working full time with overtime like I am causes me to be away a lot as it is. But the "chess game" of trying to fashion a production around these limitations got my wheels turning and excited me. We thought that I could write a script that turned these limitations into solutions and she could direct it. That way she could get back into theater a bit and stretch her wings, and I could be home with the kids after I'd done my part.

So we accepted. The community players were thrilled. It's a small group and any talent that can be added is much appreciated.

We began by having auditions, of course. However, it's a little different when you have no script yet. The script was going to be written in rehearsal. So we did improvisational type auditions, with the potential actors making up characters to show us what they had in their bag of tricks and what type of rolls they might be able to play. From that we would find a grouping that could be developed into a cast of characters that would lend itself to a story. We've done shows several times before using this method.

The auditions were over several nights. The first night no one showed up. We sat in the vacant store stall the local Mall allowed us to use and waited. The next night was better with around 8 people showing up. We scheduled an emergency audition night the following Friday, brought everyone back and grabbed a couple more people. That was a good night. An interesting night too.

A friend of my wife and I (the blond I dated in high school if you've read my 100 things--she's the aunt of Robo's good friend and they think that it's so amazing that she and I dated) was up visiting her sister. She tracked us down and popped in to say Hi. We hadn't seen her for a little over 6 years so that was a surprise.

We also had an intoxicated man on oxygen, with a tank on wheels that he rolled along behind him, come in to participate. He was well behaved and when given a scene to do, played along with the best of them. At the end he thanked us before he left, I think appreciative that people took time and let him intact with them. Like maybe that hasn't happened in quite a while.

In the end we managed to cast the show and I've been madly trying to write a script. As I mentioned in a previous post, some was done at a local coffee shop. At other times I've just hunkered down in my office in the basement. It's been a bit of an ordeal. My wife has noticed that my mood has been off. I t's true. When ever I write under a deadline where I'm trying to come up with an entertaining script it tends to prey upon my core energy at a high level. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I want to respect the audience. I'm not trying for any awards, but I want the people watching to do more than just endure this performance. I want them to at least feel that it was time well spent.

That's the thing about theater that is different from most of the other arts. With music, painting, most writing, film-making, dance, sculpture---you prepare in private, working on your craft till the thing is ready, and then present it. With theater, a piece isn't complete until it's in front of an audience. That's the last ingredient and it isn't finished until that final element is added. So if you make mistakes or errors or need correction, you do all that in front of people. I've had a few bad experiences that I didn't want to repeat. Not to mention that I wanted to provide material that would allow the cast to have enthusiasm for what they were working on and have confidence in my wife.

Consequently there were good moments of writing, and there were moments that felt like I was trying to wring a glass of water out of a damp rag. You know, when you can feel that there is water in the fabric but no matter how hard you twist and scruntch, you can only get a few drops. It started to get maddening. And I started to get grumpy and my self confidence plummeted.

But finally, I eeked out a full 35 page script this past Sunday. I got up early and finished the last 8 pages before church. Then I went to worship and thanked the Almighty for getting me there. I prayed a lot while I wrote.

The wife is rehearsing right now in the evenings after I get home to be with the boys (she takes Kitten with her---Kitten has a role!) and she is re-writing the script a little here and there where a line might need some tweaking. She's also struggling trying to find times the whole cast can get together. I wrote in mostly 2 and 3 person scenes (like for over half of it) so that it would be easier to schedule rehearsals.

We did have to quickly re-cast as one of our actresses had to leave town because her mother in law in another state had a stroke. We wish her well and our prayers are with her. But now our stage manager is going to be one of our characters.

We have a three week countdown and the pressure is starting to build. I have a "back drop" in the garage that I'm going to pull out this weekend to see how it's going to work and what modifications it might need. It's nothing extravagant, just a bunch of shallow plywood boxes that we stand on end.

I hope to post the script sometime soon. It's nothing earth shattering, but I'm hoping it will at least be entraining.

That'll be coming soon. . .

1 of 5 for 2005 in June; a little late

Yikes, I just realized that I'm a little behind on the month of June 5 photos on the 5th in 2005 thing that I've been doing.

So, I'll add a photo to make up for it and try to get back into it in July.

Starting out is the wonderful Mac Mini that I set my mom up with. How beautiful is that? Mom says she's loving it as she gets to know how to do things on a Mac vs the Windows machine she's had.

She's expressed that she's having just a little discouragement with the switch, though. When she tells people that she got a new computer they get all excited with her and ask "What did you get"? But then when she tells them a Mac, their face kind of falls a little and the excitement dims and the only thing they can say is, "Why did you get a Mac"? Sincerely confused as to what would make her do that?

So, Mac Geeks, help me out. What would you tell her to answer to that question?

2 of 5; The haircut.

We had hair cut day on Saturday. Little local shop where one of the young ladies from church is working. Every got just a little trim.

Every one except dad. Dad went a little drastic. He's got fairly short hair now. To the point where every one stops and does the "woah, that's quite a change" thing when they see you for the first time.

I got the chop because I my A/C died in my car, and driving with the window down was making my hair flog me to death. Hair in the eye at 60 MPH had to go. And a haircut was much cheaper than the A/C repair.

2.5 of 5: Bonus photo

Here's the bonus photo. Not too astounding, but I wanted to put it in here. It sets the context for where the haircut happened and where the coffee shop (where I was doing some writing)is located. Our little historic downtown.

3of 5; Outside the coffee house

Here is the coffee house in town--our only one to speak of. We have other coffee parts of other businesses but this one is fully dedicated to the coffee shop experience.

You can see it's called the Blue Bottle. This is a fairly esoteric reference to how coffee beans were transported in blue glass bottles in Europe (or was it South America?). When the owner first opened up, she did get people coming in thinking that it was a bar. She's been around long enough that I don't think that happens anymore.

4 of 5: Inside the coffee shop

Wood floor, decorative restored ceiling, brick walls featuring the work of local artists, books at the back---everything a good coffee shop needs. I love this place.

5 of 5: the back of the coffee shop

This is where I hid out to do my writing. The back of the coffee shop has this little library/book sale area. It's as nice and homey as it looks.

I told them so!

I have been saying this forever! Now we have the numbers to back it up.

Finally! Thank you!

Update: Thought I'd include a little more insight into our movie life. This was an email I sent to Joe in response to his comment on this post.

"We have quite a few R rated movies. Mostly me. Lots of G, PG and PG-13 too, but I'm very into film and can do an R rated movie as long as the sex and language don't get to much. They stay down in daddy's office in his secret stash. I'm not as particular on violence as that's the most consciously "fake" part of the movies to me. I'm into story and film as a story telling medium, and what frustrates me is that so many stories could be told equally well with less language and sex and other adult material. Then they can be shared with a wider audience including kids. I want to share the stories with my kids, but the extra stff just keeps me from showing them these films till they get a little older.

Like last night---I had found that 80s film "Short Circuit" in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart and picked it up along with The Pagemaster. I try to give the kids something to new to watch every so often if I can. We're on our 687th showing of Nemo---that's the never ending video in our house. We watched Short Circuit as a family and found there is a lot of unnecessary language and sexual references in there that I hadn't remembered. There was enough that I won't be leaving it upstairs for my kids to bask in that material at their leisure. So it'll be one of the DVDs down in daddy's office that never sees the light of day again. I thought it was ok in the 80s but not a fabulous movie---and now I own it. Dang.

There is a website that I love and use a lot since my daughter turned 13. When PG-13 movies became 'legal' by the rules we had a talk. I told her that even though the movies allowed her access by the age limitation, they still weren't something that she would need to see. So I still ask them to seek approval before going to things with their friends.

Some PG-13 movies are no problem. Like the X-men movies. Action violence, the kids know it's fake and it's not too scary for them, so ok. But the ones that worry me are movies like "Bring It On" that sort of glamorize unfettered teenage sexuality. My philosophy is that I know these growing up feelings are going to happen, but it's my job to help them learn how to manage those feelings. And the job can only get harder if you fan the flames with movies and T.V. like that.

So I came across Screenit.com. It's an excellent site that doesn't judge a movie, it just breaks it down and analyzes each new movie that comes out by sections of content that may be considered objectionable. It's got everything from "imitative behavior", which is like bad attitude toward adults, to "sexual content" (advising of everything from kissing and cleavage to nudity and sexually graphic content). It presents the facts and lets the reader now make an advised decision.

It's been very helpful. At times it let me know that it was ok to let them go, or to say No. At other times, it just helped me to be able to talk about possible parts of the movie that could cause problems before we went to see it. One time was recently when we went to StarWars Ep. III, I talked to Leemur about the graphic parts to be sure he wouldn't get to scared. He was ok with it.

Check it out

Kitten is back from her trip. I'm so glad she's back.

She's getting thoughtful over at her blog. Check it out here.

My brother is in town as he is getting ready to chaperone a group of 400 music students that are going to tour and perform in Europe. He's only responsible for 8 out of that 400. He leaves Thursday and with the magic power of the blogosphere, he'll be blogging the whole adventure any time he can scrape up an internet connection. His travel log will be kept here.

In other news, Robo has hung up his cello and picked up some drumsticks. Yep, the red head is going to be a percussionist. Luckily for mom's migraines, right now he'll be practicing on a practice drum head thing that doesn't make hardly any noise. The teacher he's taking from was a young lady that grew up two blocks down the street from us. When you live in a small town, it happens.

I've been working on getting Kitten into her Japanese class, but the teacher is concerned about her making her transition to high school and taking on a college course at the same time. So it looks like she'll be starting it in the summer after 9th grade. And this disappointment follows her missing auditions for high school choir because, ironically, she was away on a trip with the show choir. She didn't contact the High School choir director to reschedule fast enough and the window closed. So for the first time since she began singing with groups in grade school, she won't be in a choir. We'll still give her voice lessons so she won't be totally without any singing activity.

On the upside, she is getting her first real acting experience this summer in our show, being directed by her mom. She is seeing her mom in a whole new light. The wife mentioned to me that she was directing Kitten on Monday, and when the wife directs, she gets a little more animated and demonstrates things a bit. She told me that after giving a direction to Kitten, Kitten looked back and said "Ok, Mr. Kerry." Apparently the wife's animated direction reminded Kitten of Jim Kerry.

And me? I have upgraded my Mom over to a Mac Mini. It was very exciting. I got my mom a faster, decent computer. And it doesn't take over her desk. And it's gives me a chance to play around with the new Mac Mini. Everybody wins.

Upgraded her to a Gig of RAM last night. This required me going to the hardware store to get a couple of thin putty knives to get into the thing. Got that bit of advice over at a tutorial blogged over at Macworld. Mr. Stevie didn't want people getting into that thing too easy. But once I got it open, the install was quick enough. Getting the lid back on was just as hard though. That is one tiny little computer. I think that the memory upgrade access should be the next design focus over at One Infinite Loop. But we maxed mom out so now we don't have to worry about every needing to get back into that little baby.

I'm also getting very into Podcasting. Have you heard of this. It's the coolest thing since Blogging. I'm not going to abandon my blog world, but this is the extension.

Are any of you checking out any Podcasts. I'm always up to explore a few. What are you listening to?

Geeking Out!!!

Graphic from Fran Menendez as
found on Macintouch


Is it cold in here or did hell just freeze over?

Oh. My. Gosh. Did you hear? Did you hear?

Apple is going over to INTEL!!!! People! This is significant! This changes everything! They said it would never happen! But it HAS!!

Let me break it down. Tiger, the Apple operating system that is being touted as the safest and the most stable and most advanced by all the pundits, could now be operable on EVERY COMPUTER MANUFACTURED WITH AN INTEL CHIP (or Intel compatible). Which is basically every computer put out at the time that it ships. So if they license the OS, it could potentially come on a DELL, or an HP, or a home made box!

V.P. Phill Shiller says no---no Mac OS on non-Apple boxes. But it's possible--who'd have thunk this? But on the flip side, apparently Mr. Shiller has said that Window's could actually run on a Mac. That seems like going off road in a Ferrari to me, but you know some one will do it. And it might be a play to say, hey look Window's users, you want to buy cool hardware with the logo like your iPod without having to re-buy your software. Heck, we won't stop you.

But in what seems like the second half of a hopeful one-two punch, Apple also announced that they will be bringing out the next incarnation of the Mac OS, called Leopard, right around the time that Microsoft brings out their next version of Windows, code named Longhorn. So the next time the computer manufacturers of the world have a operating system upgrade choice, maybe it won't just be Microsoft and who? Any one? Anyone? No one? Bueller? Bueller?

It'll be Microsoft or Mac OS! And with what people are recommending right now, this may turn Microsoft's unrivaled control of the desktop into something looking more like the X-Box/Playstation wars.

This is getting good.

(And I can't get onto the Apple News sites, dang it! They're getting overwhelmed by readers, it would appear.)

***My apologies for the unfettered and irresponsible use of exclamation points in this post. I'm just a little worked up----can you tell?

Always Saying Goodbye

(This one is very long and gets kind of sad. Sorry.)

Another long awaited day for my daughter arrived this week. Her Florida trip.

This is an end of the year trip that is offered to 8th graders graduating from the middle school to go on a five day tour of the Orlando area including Disney World. It has a quasi-science element to it to give it that educational feel----the learning opportunities of Epcot center, NASA, Busch Gardens and Sea World. Not being a complete cynic, I do feel that there will be some learning going on but I don’t know that any one on the trip could write a paper on what they learned after they return. I really think the learning will come in the form of a step closer to adulthood as these kids prove to themselves that they can operate for several day so far away from home in a responsible way. My little girl's world will get a little bigger over the next 5 day.

The painful side of this departure was that it happened at 2:45 last Wednesday morning. We had our first read through of this play I’m working on with my wife that Tuesday night (which I will detail a little later, I promise). I came home and got everyone tucked in and put my self to bed around 10. I set the alarm for 2 a.m. but ended up waking up every hour with the same thought shooting through my half conscious brain, “Oh my gosh, what time is it!” It was always long before I was supposed to get up, of course. But there was something programmed into the back of my mind that wasn’t going to let all the cash Grandma and Grandpa and Mom and Dad put up for this thing get flushed down the toilet on account of an alarm malfunction.

I got her to the school in plenty of time. She was buzzing. Her mother had wisely devised a plan to get her the sleep she needed to start this trip. Kitten was given a sleeping pill and put to bed a 7 pm. She told me she lay there for an hour while the pill battled the adrenaline coursing through her body. The pill finally won and she woke fairly refresh and excited at 2 am. The rest of the group at the bus loading point had gotten considerably less sleep but were equally excited. I looked around at this group of young people taking their next step toward becoming grown-ups and thought that they probably didn’t even realize it. I recognized people that we had known since Kitten was in 1st grade, their little kid features I remembered were now all stretched out into big people. Some of them looked positively adult already, but some still had that child like flair about them. The diversity was broader than you would expect. You could definately see who would be constantly carded in college.

I came home and my wife and I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling trying to get back to sleep, but all we could think about was that our daughter was stepping into another place in her life. And doing it without us.

I finally drifted off, which was good because I had to get up early then next morning and get ready to say a different kind of good-bye. I would be attending the funeral of my life-long neighbor from childhood. A sad departure of a treasured individual, but also a shift in a much larger picture for me.

He was the quintessential neighbor. A little older than my folks, he and his wife had been there to welcome us when we moved to the neighborhood in the eary 1970s. I was 3, and my folks were proud young parents. As I grew up, he and his wife were this pair that personified the shared-side-yard friends of the family. Even their names, Joe and Donna, were melded in my mind as a single unit; as inseperable as peanutbutter and jelly and Donny and Marie. Jovial, they were constantly full of smiles and caring. We shared Christmas parties, garage sales, and spring breakfast picnics on the patio with them.

My earliest memories are of him sitting in the gravel back alley that split our block down the center, in the fading light of summer, sharing a spool table with the older man across the alley named Luther. They would sit there after a hard day of working and share a beer. Luther would take out his trumpet and fill the neighborhood with some gentle smooth jazz strains as the twilight faded to darkness.

Joe would never turn a kid away that wanted to stand at his open garage doors and ask him perpetual questions about what he was doing. The little kids my mom watches now would called him Quack-Quack. I'm not sure how that got started but whenever he got caught on the walk from his garage to his house, the kids playing in my mom's backyard would see him and call out "Hey Quack-Quack"! He would respond with a quacking that sounded like the noise the Penguin would make on the 70s Batman T.V. series. That was always a hit with the knee high crowd.

With his passing, and institution disappears from my life. I heard it said once that when an older person dies, a library burns to the ground. For me, it was like a momument and landmark had suddenly vanished. It was as significant to the landscape of my psyche as the absense of the Trade Centers from the NYC skyline. Joe, the friend and neighbor icon exists now only in my heart and memory.

As I've gotten older it seems like my life is filled with too many good-byes. I've helped my children deal with emotional devestation of a good frined moving away for the first time. I remembered that feeling well. How unfair that life could rip something away from you that you depended on so much. As life progressed, I saw people move out of my life more and more. I have never been hesitant to invest myself in people, but with more and more departures it grows increasingly difficult.

With the years of graduations, changes of jobs, the changes of shifts, people pursuing careers, and now people passing, it begins to feel that nothing is constant like you needed it to be when you were 7 or 8 or 9 or 10---and still kind of do. I've been fairly fortunate that I've had most of my relatives live very full lives. There has been very little tradgy. But now what that translates to a large group of people who I love very much, whom I'll have to say farewell to probably in a fairly short span of time. A span of time that is a gauntlet though which I don't want to pass.

I don't do grief well. I discovered this when my father in law passed away. As we walked to the funeral home my mood was a stark contrast to the sunny blue sky that crowned that day. But it was a state of sadness that I expected, and felt I could manage. The choke in the throat, the wetness in the eyes, the heaviness inside. I felt it all, but I could control my display to be brave for those around me.

When we went to the viewing it was uncomfortable, but we quietly paid our respects. My wife excused herself, and I saw her sister who I wanted to hug in a gesture of comfort. I put my arms around her neck and we held each other tight.

Then from somewhere I heard something. I've encountered before where a person, usually on T.V., says a phrase something like, "I heard screaming and then realized it was me". I often dismissed this as being exageration for effect. But this day it was true. I heard a mornful howl, and when it grew loud enough to be uncomfortable, I was shocked to realize that I was doing it. I was howling with grief.

I swear, I didn't even feel it. Not in my chest or my throat. It came from a hollow unknown place deep down that was both outside me and inside me. It took me over so completely that I could only succomb to it, a part of me standing back and watching in confusion. Then it crashed over me so I could finally feel it. Tears poured down my face, chest heaving.

My sister in law clutched me tighter as I came unglued in her arms. My wife came running back in shock, bewilderd because I'd given no sign that her young father's death (he was only in his 40s) was effecting me so profoundly. How could she have known? I didn't know it myself. Her family pulled me aisde to sit down. I sat there on this too clean couch and babbled like an idiot to my wife's uncle and step-brother. I just sat there, analzying what was going on like I was back in a class at college. It was completely inappropriate but I couldn't stop. It helped to calm the tremors.

The same thing happened again at my Grandmother's funeral. I told my family that I wouldn't go into the viewing. But finally I did, because I knew how much it meant to my Mom. When the grief took over again, my father and brother kindly pulled me aside and spoke words of comfort in an attempt to calm me. I know that they did it out of love and concern, but this thing didn't come from a place rational words could touch. It didn't come from a place that words could touch at all. It felt as primal and ancient as morners of the first Passover, and as epic as the voices of each person clutching a loved on on the beaches of the Indian Ocean tsunami.

It was a storm that had to be weathered. Take cover and stay away from windows and outside walls.

It only seems to happen when I view the body. I was thankful that Joe had requested a closed casket. I helped my mother display photos of his life in the basement. That's the way I wanted to remember him. The way I wanted to miss him. I felt the lump. I wiped my ears. Leter, I held my mother as some tears pushed through her brave face for a someone who would leave an unfillable hole right outside the windows of their home.

I could feel this kind of grief. I could brace against it. It hurt when I swallowed but I could feel it. I knew this sadness and it was o.k.

The scary ting to me is that these are all people who I cared deeply for, but who were not intimately involved in my everyday life. I saw them occasionally, and enjoyed these rarer visits. The people I have yet to lose are more intimately intwined with my life than my own molars.

I woke in the middle of the night last Saturday and couldn't get back to sleep. I went to the couch and shed a few quiet tears for this loss. I shed a couple more at the overwhelming thought of the grief I have yet to bear. I pray to God for strength when the time comes. I prayed for it now for those currently experiencing loss.

I felt a the pain and irony expressed in quote I read on A Mindful Life very accutely that night:

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your life depends on it; and when the time comes, to let it go.

--Mary Oliver